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I don't use this icon enough
Edmund's hit 1k comments! So in honor of this and because I'm too lazy to essay:
ASK ME QUESTIONS. You don't even need to wait for me to ask back, just pelt me with questions. As many comments as you want. Go for it. o7
Also yes this applies to Jade IF YOU REALLY WANT TO.
ASK ME QUESTIONS. You don't even need to wait for me to ask back, just pelt me with questions. As many comments as you want. Go for it. o7
Also yes this applies to Jade IF YOU REALLY WANT TO.
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2) Being a knight
Okay, no it doesn't, not really. Okay, yes it sort of does, but there's good parts too, only in Edmund's case the good parts balance out the bad parts to leave him with nothing right now. There are flashes of satisfaction, so far nothing in particular of pride, one big disappointment, and frustrations. It's pretty hard on his emotional energy, and he has a hard time with the good bits because he feels woefully inadequate compared to the other knights.
The biggest problem is experience. Edmund totally gets this, and yet absolutely doesn't. For him, it's this big "if only I got the chance to do/learn/understand..." insert whatever activity is appropriate to the situation. No matter how much he tries to prepare, it doesn't feel like it's enough. On top of that, the whole if-only thing sounds like a horribly lame excuse even to him. It's something that's sort of that creeping voice in the back of your head, reminding you of your own failings? Yeah, that's what Edmund's sounds like. (This is partially why he dislikes Naoto, because his head voice is quite enough, thank you, he doesn't need to hear it from someone else to know it's true already, please shut up. But that goes in relationships later on. /o/)
Whenever something action-related comes up, like in games or the call to the swamp/forest, he'll focus on the task at hand. After everything's done is when he'll slump down and take the veritable red pen to his actions. What could he have done better? Is there something he doesn't know now that he should know for the future? He tends to mark pretty heavily.
Keeping up the image of a knight is important with the teams, naturally. He doesn't want to be seen as untrustworthy. He'll also try to maintain this image in front of other knights, especially the ones who've been around longer. It's a little like not wanting to screw up in front of your mentors.
In the beginning, Edmund had no clue whatsoever why he ended up a knight. With his last memory, it's like oh. That's why. Because he was apparently a pretty good king, enough that several lords, two dwarves, a raven, a faun, and HIS OLDER SISTER all listened and respected him. It set the bar way higher than he originally anticipated, but he's not as bothered about it now as he would have been, thanks to Sion's comments and talking with Ventus.
tl;dr, Edmund's pretty sure he sucks right now, but he's getting better and knows he's actively trying. Maybe not really succeeding, but he'll keep at it even if it drains him in all directions. He sleeps so hard at the end of the day. XD
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3) Struggles with his own competency in general I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT THIS POST
Example: Lately Sion and Ventus have been pointing out to him that he's a pretty good knight. Edmund is actually more glad to get praise period than he is to actually believe the content it, which is... really stupid idek. He doesn't doubt that they both saw something, which to him means he's improving and doing something right! But he doubts how far. Still, hearing that Sion thought he'd grow to be more mature (plus remembering his own older self) helps him feel more confident about himself.
So actually right now he's actually doing better than he was when I first made this post! Still sucking pretty bad at it, though. It's a constant self kick he gives himself.
4) How does relationships?
Realistically and subconsciously, he really needs an encouraging hand because he's trying to settle into his own skin and being constantly jarred by other people's expectations isn't actually going to help him. The need to know why and how of things wrong, however, totally applies properly. If someone tells him he's wrong without an explanation, it just drives him to snap and ramble. They're generally fast and hot running angers with long simmering grudges long after the fact. If given an explanation, at least he can attempt to context frame it and it gives him something to consider. (This is something I sincerely bet was a constantly triggering thing during That School early on in his childhood, but he doesn't remember that yet and it's never really been explained in canon, so I'm giving it a guess here.)
Right now he's inordinately and not-so-secretly fond of cute things, ie cats (which didn't even need to be alive in the first place to make him fond of them) and Burupya, the latter of which is driving him nuts in THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. This, though he hasn't figured it out yet, is because both of the afore mentioned are incapable of judging him except by his actions. There is free affection handed out without expectations, restrictions, or the usual social issues. To them, who cares if he's a knight, or the third child of four children with some insecurities or whatever. It's a very freeing thing for him. If it hadn't been for the Aslan's Breath memory, Edmund would have settled to just not trying to get a cat because he didn't think he could care for one. Now he's confident enough that he's willing to give it a go.
Without these, however, Edmund is very reserved in talking about himself. Even with Sion and Ven, who he's closest to right now, he doesn't really want to discuss the complete contents of his memories, or his feelings. He'll sometimes discuss what he's thinking, but he holds back quite a lot. While he does this with most people because of trust, most of why he holds back right now is because this is what he thinks is expected of him. Why share? He's not the important factor here, and unloading a lot just seems like it'll make him look like he's whining. Which he's not! Just that he wants to talk about it sometimes.
He just. Doesn't really have the courage to actually do that even with close people. You can damn well bet he does it sometimes in private in his room at the cave with the wooden and paper cats.
tl;dr his competency issues and self imposed standards prevent him from getting that close to anyone right now. Edmund fails yet again by being a teenager. \o/
1) Retaining instinctive siblingness while being the only Pevensie here
Seriously, whenever Edmund runs into someone who pulls essentially the King Peter the Magnificent role or even just takes leadership/control, he will automatically adjust to supporting and shadowing. It's instinctive! He's a little annoyed sometimes because he's not sure whether a knight should be just following along, but it's what he's good at when he's still trying to figure out for himself what kind of a knight he is. I could seriously list off the occasions where this has happened.
Even though he doesn't remember the specifics, he's absolutely at his best when someone else has the final say, but himself still getting a somewhat say if he thinks it's not right. If it's right, yes, 100% he'll be there supporting from behind/side/whatever.
This sort of ties in with his relationships because on an instinctive level, Edmund has already achieved the absolute peak of the kind of platonic relationship he's really good at, which is a group dynamic of differing specialties where everyone's respected. Yell all you want, at the end of the day after all the cold shoulders, you're still breaking bread with them. You're still waking up in the morning and handing each other coffee. It's specifically a family dynamic in the series, but it's something he subconsciously reaches for with any of his relationships.
It's really hilarious. Without realizing it, he's reaching for stand-ins, or similar situations.