justaking | I don't use this icon enough

IT IS LATE EST AND I AM SLEEPY SO I WILL JUST ASK RELATIONSHIP HERP DERP maybe more questions later. :P

Ven's enthusiasm and easygoing nature is really refreshing. He's just so cheerful! In the future, this might Lucy ping him here and there, but this is the first time anyone's had so much faith in him and his abilities. Even if Lucy had that kind of faith in him, it's different because they're siblings. Edmund and Ventus absolutely aren't siblings, even if Edmund sort of It's really encouraging, but also nerve-wracking because damn. This is the first time he's actually seriously wanted to be someone good for someone. Edmund just doesn't want to let Ventus down at all.

But Edmund's all about being wary of the inevitable letdown. For him, that kind of faith is something that's somewhat naive, but mostly blind. It's not out of ignorance, because he can tell it's genuine. The fact that it's so genuine is what scares him because BOY, Edmund doesn't feel that genuine. A lot of the "good" acts Ed does are ways of trying to assuage his issues with his own perceived competency. Self-esteem issues riddled with reality stretched this way and that, ahoy.

So he really likes being around Ventus! It's one of the highlights of being here in Aather! Except he's scared one day Ventus'll figure out that he's not that cool and goodbye. :'< If he wasn't a knight, he'd totally want to buddy-buddy all the time with Ven even with competency issues, but he's a knight! Gotta be good! Really hard to do in practice, especially when your memories set the bar at being this mature, competent, clear thinking KING. But give him some time, he'll settle into accepting that Ven has such faith in him and their relationship from his end will be that much healthier for it.

...so were Edmund's I-cannot-accept-this-reality-and-then-I-fail-to-act issues compounded by that first game of his? Because it seems like they might be.

ps Edmund you have nowhere near the self-esteem issues of my best friend on Peridot. IT'S OKAY Ven will love you anyway.

They absolutely were! And then Naoto compounded on THEM afterwards, so it's a real sticking point for him now. :D

Whaaaaat did she do? o.O

It was just them clashing because Edmund didn't settle into Aather fast enough to do anything useful by that point. o7

THINK OF WHAT YOU WOULD MOST LIKE TO ESSAY ABOUT RE: EDMUND

AND THEN TALK ABOUT IT

TO ME!

THERE'S A BUNCH OF THOSE, I WILL GIVE YOU OPTIONS WHICH FIRST:

1) Retaining instinctive siblingness while being the only Pevensie here
2) Being a knight (and in extension learning being a king)
3) Struggles with his own competency in general
4) How does relationships? (general/platonic)
5) Sexuality/romance, what is that?

I AM MOST INTERESTED IN 2, 3, AND 4, IN THAT ORDER!

IT SUCKS.

Okay, no it doesn't, not really. Okay, yes it sort of does, but there's good parts too, only in Edmund's case the good parts balance out the bad parts to leave him with nothing right now. There are flashes of satisfaction, so far nothing in particular of pride, one big disappointment, and frustrations. It's pretty hard on his emotional energy, and he has a hard time with the good bits because he feels woefully inadequate compared to the other knights.

The biggest problem is experience. Edmund totally gets this, and yet absolutely doesn't. For him, it's this big "if only I got the chance to do/learn/understand..." insert whatever activity is appropriate to the situation. No matter how much he tries to prepare, it doesn't feel like it's enough. On top of that, the whole if-only thing sounds like a horribly lame excuse even to him. It's something that's sort of that creeping voice in the back of your head, reminding you of your own failings? Yeah, that's what Edmund's sounds like. (This is partially why he dislikes Naoto, because his head voice is quite enough, thank you, he doesn't need to hear it from someone else to know it's true already, please shut up. But that goes in relationships later on. /o/)

Whenever something action-related comes up, like in games or the call to the swamp/forest, he'll focus on the task at hand. After everything's done is when he'll slump down and take the veritable red pen to his actions. What could he have done better? Is there something he doesn't know now that he should know for the future? He tends to mark pretty heavily.

Keeping up the image of a knight is important with the teams, naturally. He doesn't want to be seen as untrustworthy. He'll also try to maintain this image in front of other knights, especially the ones who've been around longer. It's a little like not wanting to screw up in front of your mentors.

In the beginning, Edmund had no clue whatsoever why he ended up a knight. With his last memory, it's like oh. That's why. Because he was apparently a pretty good king, enough that several lords, two dwarves, a raven, a faun, and HIS OLDER SISTER all listened and respected him. It set the bar way higher than he originally anticipated, but he's not as bothered about it now as he would have been, thanks to Sion's comments and talking with Ventus.

tl;dr, Edmund's pretty sure he sucks right now, but he's getting better and knows he's actively trying. Maybe not really succeeding, but he'll keep at it even if it drains him in all directions. He sleeps so hard at the end of the day. XD

... That. Kind of tied in a lot of the competency issues too, actually. :|a I'll expand on those later. \o/

I WILL READ!

Edmund is horrible in that right now he's incompetent at recognizing what he's competent at. He generally classes what he's actually good at as average or slightly lower. He's actually not that bad at thinking of out-of-the-box actions or, and he generally does his best to try to understand a situation, even if he still thinks it's absolute balls regardless of what he learns. He still puts in the effort to try to understand it at different angles in case there's something he can do about it.

Example: Lately Sion and Ventus have been pointing out to him that he's a pretty good knight. Edmund is actually more glad to get praise period than he is to actually believe the content it, which is... really stupid idek. He doesn't doubt that they both saw something, which to him means he's improving and doing something right! But he doubts how far. Still, hearing that Sion thought he'd grow to be more mature (plus remembering his own older self) helps him feel more confident about himself.

So actually right now he's actually doing better than he was when I first made this post! Still sucking pretty bad at it, though. It's a constant self kick he gives himself.

Ideally, and when he consciously thinks about it, Edmund wants to be around people he respects and genuinely likes who will tell him not only if he's not doing something right, but why and how they think it should be fixed.

Realistically and subconsciously, he really needs an encouraging hand because he's trying to settle into his own skin and being constantly jarred by other people's expectations isn't actually going to help him. The need to know why and how of things wrong, however, totally applies properly. If someone tells him he's wrong without an explanation, it just drives him to snap and ramble. They're generally fast and hot running angers with long simmering grudges long after the fact. If given an explanation, at least he can attempt to context frame it and it gives him something to consider. (This is something I sincerely bet was a constantly triggering thing during That School early on in his childhood, but he doesn't remember that yet and it's never really been explained in canon, so I'm giving it a guess here.)

Right now he's inordinately and not-so-secretly fond of cute things, ie cats (which didn't even need to be alive in the first place to make him fond of them) and Burupya, the latter of which is driving him nuts in THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. This, though he hasn't figured it out yet, is because both of the afore mentioned are incapable of judging him except by his actions. There is free affection handed out without expectations, restrictions, or the usual social issues. To them, who cares if he's a knight, or the third child of four children with some insecurities or whatever. It's a very freeing thing for him. If it hadn't been for the Aslan's Breath memory, Edmund would have settled to just not trying to get a cat because he didn't think he could care for one. Now he's confident enough that he's willing to give it a go.

Without these, however, Edmund is very reserved in talking about himself. Even with Sion and Ven, who he's closest to right now, he doesn't really want to discuss the complete contents of his memories, or his feelings. He'll sometimes discuss what he's thinking, but he holds back quite a lot. While he does this with most people because of trust, most of why he holds back right now is because this is what he thinks is expected of him. Why share? He's not the important factor here, and unloading a lot just seems like it'll make him look like he's whining. Which he's not! Just that he wants to talk about it sometimes.

He just. Doesn't really have the courage to actually do that even with close people. You can damn well bet he does it sometimes in private in his room at the cave with the wooden and paper cats.

tl;dr his competency issues and self imposed standards prevent him from getting that close to anyone right now. Edmund fails yet again by being a teenager. \o/

HAH. HAHAHA. HAHA. HA HAH. I just.

Seriously, whenever Edmund runs into someone who pulls essentially the King Peter the Magnificent role or even just takes leadership/control, he will automatically adjust to supporting and shadowing. It's instinctive! He's a little annoyed sometimes because he's not sure whether a knight should be just following along, but it's what he's good at when he's still trying to figure out for himself what kind of a knight he is. I could seriously list off the occasions where this has happened.

Even though he doesn't remember the specifics, he's absolutely at his best when someone else has the final say, but himself still getting a somewhat say if he thinks it's not right. If it's right, yes, 100% he'll be there supporting from behind/side/whatever.

This sort of ties in with his relationships because on an instinctive level, Edmund has already achieved the absolute peak of the kind of platonic relationship he's really good at, which is a group dynamic of differing specialties where everyone's respected. Yell all you want, at the end of the day after all the cold shoulders, you're still breaking bread with them. You're still waking up in the morning and handing each other coffee. It's specifically a family dynamic in the series, but it's something he subconsciously reaches for with any of his relationships.

It's really hilarious. Without realizing it, he's reaching for stand-ins, or similar situations.

EDMUND LIKES GIRLS!!!! Sob I laugh a lot whenever I say that because HE HONESTLY DOES. LIKE GIRLS. There's the expected factor of it too, but for him guys don't really fall into the radar. Homosexuality or bisexuality isn't something that he really thinks about consciously.

AND THEN SOUYA EXPLAINED BOYFRIENDS. AND THEN THERE'S MIKAGE WHO IS CUTE TINYDRAGON AND THEN A GUY. WHERE HE IS ESSENTIALLY CUDDLING A TINYDRAGON KNOWING THIS IS A GUY. Edmund's not uncomfortable with the idea of other guys being with other guys, but he doesn't really understand the point. There's the expectation that you shouldn't just on principle, but he understands that holding oneself to that principle is an individual choice. He just. Doesn't. Normally not hold himself to it consciously. So now there's this essentially-cuddling-a-guy and it has him going, "/o\ WHY AM I DOING THIS?!" He has no idea what to do about this situation. Actually sleeping in the same bed as another guy will mess with his head further. Even if it's totally platonic. It's still another guy.

I love it. 8D

Also, Edmund definitely has A Type when it comes to girls: slightly unnatural/unusual beauty and not your standardized kind of girl. This is another instinctive thing where it's what's outside his expectations that catches his eye. UNFORTUNATELY this will totally backfire on him when he remembers Jadis more. Depending on how he deals with those memories, he may just attempt to freeze (no pun intended) any and all feelings he has with any girls of his type ever period.

Edited 2011-07-15 12:51 (UTC)

I READ ALL OF THESE!!!!!

jfc did you really

Yes of course.

I KIND OF RAMBLED A LOT actually it gave me horrible ideas for Ed's heart game, but needs more memories

I love rambling. Love it.

heartgames, eh :3c

I have ideas scribbled here and there, but I came up with a really good idea for Ed's... except needs more Jadis trauma memories.

I WILL LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

Did you have any other curiosity questions? :O

Edmund on Persona politics and the Personae as people, please! |D

Edmund sees Personae as a group of people trying to do what they think is best for this dying world of theirs, which is a pretty broad definition by far. He doesn't necessarily think they're good or bad, just that they're trying. But in relation to himself, they're sort of a distant/disconnected group, sort of like how in fantasies elves and humans sort of see each other as something vastly different in good and bad ways. This is partially why his crush on Maleficent is something that's a doomed subject for him because he hasn't really gotten past that mental barrier.

gosh he has a lot of mental barriers doesn't he

In terms of politics, he's kind of behind. He only knows bits and pieces, but is pretty eager to learn as much as he can so he knows what's going on. Otherwise he's actually a little out of the loop.

I READ THIS TOO!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY SAT THERE AND READ THEM

DON'T UNDERESTIMATE MY INTEREST IN CHARACTER RAMBLING, WOMAN

IT REALLY SURPRISES ME STILL OKAY

HOW DOES EDMUND LIKE AATHER SO FAR

EDMUND STILL THINKS AATHER IS WEIRD.

But life and his recent memories are proving that, in all likelihood, Aather is either fitting right in or his own life is way weirder than he's living right now. Even worse, he's totally okay with this. If ever centaurs show up or a raven comes to talk to him, Edmund will never ever be able to be surprised by being surprised ever again.

He hasn't really decided if he likes Aather. He's edging along dislike, but he doesn't really actively dislike. It's just stressful for him.

I don't use this icon enough

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2) Being a knight

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3) Struggles with his own competency in general I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT THIS POST

4) How does relationships?

1) Retaining instinctive siblingness while being the only Pevensie here

5) Sexuality/romance, what is that?

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Persona and Persona politics

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