I don't use this icon enough

[justaking]

Edmund's hit 1k comments! So in honor of this and because I'm too lazy to essay:

ASK ME QUESTIONS. You don't even need to wait for me to ask back, just pelt me with questions. As many comments as you want. Go for it. o7

Also yes this applies to Jade IF YOU REALLY WANT TO.

Comments

2) Being a knight

[justaking]

IT SUCKS.

Okay, no it doesn't, not really. Okay, yes it sort of does, but there's good parts too, only in Edmund's case the good parts balance out the bad parts to leave him with nothing right now. There are flashes of satisfaction, so far nothing in particular of pride, one big disappointment, and frustrations. It's pretty hard on his emotional energy, and he has a hard time with the good bits because he feels woefully inadequate compared to the other knights.

The biggest problem is experience. Edmund totally gets this, and yet absolutely doesn't. For him, it's this big "if only I got the chance to do/learn/understand..." insert whatever activity is appropriate to the situation. No matter how much he tries to prepare, it doesn't feel like it's enough. On top of that, the whole if-only thing sounds like a horribly lame excuse even to him. It's something that's sort of that creeping voice in the back of your head, reminding you of your own failings? Yeah, that's what Edmund's sounds like. (This is partially why he dislikes Naoto, because his head voice is quite enough, thank you, he doesn't need to hear it from someone else to know it's true already, please shut up. But that goes in relationships later on. /o/)

Whenever something action-related comes up, like in games or the call to the swamp/forest, he'll focus on the task at hand. After everything's done is when he'll slump down and take the veritable red pen to his actions. What could he have done better? Is there something he doesn't know now that he should know for the future? He tends to mark pretty heavily.

Keeping up the image of a knight is important with the teams, naturally. He doesn't want to be seen as untrustworthy. He'll also try to maintain this image in front of other knights, especially the ones who've been around longer. It's a little like not wanting to screw up in front of your mentors.

In the beginning, Edmund had no clue whatsoever why he ended up a knight. With his last memory, it's like oh. That's why. Because he was apparently a pretty good king, enough that several lords, two dwarves, a raven, a faun, and HIS OLDER SISTER all listened and respected him. It set the bar way higher than he originally anticipated, but he's not as bothered about it now as he would have been, thanks to Sion's comments and talking with Ventus.

tl;dr, Edmund's pretty sure he sucks right now, but he's getting better and knows he's actively trying. Maybe not really succeeding, but he'll keep at it even if it drains him in all directions. He sleeps so hard at the end of the day. XD

[justaking]

... That. Kind of tied in a lot of the competency issues too, actually. :|a I'll expand on those later. \o/

[brotagonist]

I WILL READ!